he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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