im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize