After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
