The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
