I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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