maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
