Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
