She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
