i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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