What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
