bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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