Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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