guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
