Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We just shotgunned beers for America
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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