There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
