I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
