so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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