I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
