If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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