lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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