I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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