But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize