I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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