When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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