you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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