i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
