What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
