just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
