u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
