i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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