Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
