You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
