Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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