I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
