...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
