your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize