I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
