Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
