none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
