How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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