Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
