i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
