I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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