That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
