So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
