it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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