fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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