if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
