I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
