get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
