Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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