really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
