so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize