My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
