I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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