I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
