I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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