Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
