Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
