hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
