let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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