am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
