he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
