I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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