i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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