Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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