ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
