whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
