a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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