chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
