Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
