Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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