just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im holly from the hills drunk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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