He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want to fling myself into the sun
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
