Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize