very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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