am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
