so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
