what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
