There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
