i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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