even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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