I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
