He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it hurts more in the daytime
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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