Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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