The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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