Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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