so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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