He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
