I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
