It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
