Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
